Perhaps it's the dark eyeglass that I'm viewing your post through - but the barbs about abusing benzos and 'needing a miracle' (ie I'm hopeless) are totally unnessecary. I dislike the disdain dripping from your remarks.

I don't think I abuse benzos and nor do all the doctors I have frank and full discussions with. They are quite happy to let me take them as I do, in a dose once a week or once a fortnight, during my unbearable periods. Bearing in mind I often go for three or four months without taking any at all. I have been doing this for about seven years without forming a daily habit. A few benzos here and there are better than constanct emotional distress. And no, I am aware they are unacceptable in the long term (and also a bit sh#t, quite bluntly) hence ripping up the script for more and wanting to get on to steadier medication.

And what exactly do you mean 'no medication can make it right' and 'I have no option but to suffer'? And that my therapist can't help me?