Attention, approval, appreciation, nurturing, etc. are all legitimate needs. There is a reason that you feel you need to be destructive to get those needs met. Maybe in the past you didn't get recognition when you tried in functional ways. I hope that you can learn how to ask for these things in better ways, and also to receive comfort without getting hurt.

You're not alone. I have a lot of the same motivations a lot of the time. And I really don't care that it hurts me, but it does bother me if it hurts anyone else. One of the points that my T keeps trying to make is that it doesn't only hurt me, even when I think it does. What do you think?