I've never owned a business but I can imagine you poured your heart and soul into it, and losing it feels like giving up a part of yourself. 2 years ago I had to file bankruptcy, got a divorce, was roughed up by customs officers while trying to do my job and consequently diagnosed with bipolar and PTSD less than a week after. This resulted in the loss of my career. Soon after I was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer. It has been very tempting to give up, but I feel there is still a chance at having an enjoyable life. Most of my family is supportive but they will never understand what it is like to be me.

Try to find something positive in your life and focus on it, rather than the terrible things going on that you don't have any control over. When I'm feeling hopeless I think of how my kids need me, not just my money or the things I can give them. I think about my cats and how every one of them was rescued from somewhere and what would happen to them if I was gone. Sometimes I close my eyes and just dream of being somewhere I love to be, like when I was in Congo back when I made good money and could afford to go places. Even when everything is falling apart around you, you can find something to be thankful for. Sometimes it's right in front of you and you can't even see it because you're blinded by everything that's going wrong.

I know how you feel about being watched. I have had this feeling from time to time too, returning to message boards to delete all of my posts, drawing all of my curtains and having the windows in the car tinted. I think that paranoia accompanies bipolar with a lot of people. It may be treatable with the right mixture of meds and therapy.

You need to take care of yourself through difficult times like this. If you don't your bipolar could spiral out of control and worsen your situation. Keep in close touch with your psychiatrist and remember to take your meds. And look to places like this for support. The Internet is a wonderful way to connect with other people with conditions like yours, who understand your fears, anxieties, depression, and all of the other mixed up feelings mental illness can leave you with. I think we should all be taking full advantage of it as another tool to manage our conditions.