Thank you, Adespota. I don't think I can let it rest. My mind is at it 24/7. It's like I need to work it through. I wish I could talk to my husband about how I feel, but the enormity of this is too scary. It's as discussed in The Skeezyk's post - I most likely have to choose between my relationship and my sanity and well-being. Should be an easy choice, but it's hard.

I started reading this blog: http://firsttimesecondtime.com/2012/...-we-there-yet/
_Everything_ Ezekiel writes could have been written by me. It's almost scary.