Yes, the internet is a wonderful resource—I have a real busy life and it fills a void for me—I can IM, post and chat with people whenever I have a few moments. Sometimes I have to remind myself that it can not completely replace real live interactions with people. I have to concentrate on developing my relationships with real live people—ironically some who I have met over the internet.

I don’t like change. I struggle with it, but not as much as I use to. Change is really what I am after in therapy—I want to change how I feel about myself and how I approach the world. I am not an angry person—I really felt angry a few years back. So, I got involved in a kickboxing club and started beating the crap out of a punching bag. It worked so well, I got one in my home. Right now, I mainly get angry and frustrated when I am not doing so well—my depression seems like it hangs around no matter what I do. Sometimes I get angry with my pdoc—like he should fix me—he has been with me for a few years—why am I not completely better?

I really like my blog—I find it a safe way to share intimate feelings with numerous people—but they don’t know who I am, so it feels safer than most places. I am glad I have gotten to the point where I am open with my friends and at times with co-workers and classmates. Like, I no longer cover up my scars from when I was a cutter. Really, the only people that comment about them are people who have cut themselves or know somebody who does. I have found very little negative judgment. I do admit, there are some people, especially in the work place that I limit how much I share—that’s just smart.

Really, I think you are doing a great job working through your issues. Posting here and trying to figure things out is an important step. I am so glad you give me a chance to share my story. I try not to offer advice—I try to share my story—that’s good because it helps me and I hope it sometimes helps others. I truly appreciate who you are as a person and the struggles you are going through…keep posting!