Was it my fault? When can I stop punishing myself?
This came up in therapy last time... The pedophile came into my life when I was 12... then came 13, then came 14, then came 15... and at 15 he was still there...

shouldn't I punish myself? I think sometimes if I can just hurt myself bad enough, IT will all be resolved somehow.

Like if I brand myself with a cigarate or if I take a branding iron and brand myself over and over that I can punish myself for being so old and submitting to a pedophile.
He woo'ed me... I had to see him everyday...was this abuse or something I wanted? He was in a position of power over me - but couldn't I have just ended it by running away or telling someone... or just saying "leave me alone"....

will punishing myself now make the pain go away? I could go get a tatoo that says

"unloved by people"
"loved by God"

would that do it????????????

or my epitate on my gravestone

"she tried and tried and tried but in the end she failed"