No, not post therapy as a whole, rather post-first-appointment-after-the-vacation (so post-post-holiday-appt :-) ). The break was ten weeks this year. Many of you have listened to me whine, and have been supportive of me. Thank you.

It went... okay. No huge feeling of disconnect: I started talking about things rather quickly, I told T most of the things I had indended to tell him, but now, a few hours later, I feel flat, dull, not very interested in going back. To be clear, I am not thinking of quitting, not for real, but at this moment I wonder why I am planning to invest so much time in this. Maybe it is a lack of connection I feel. I don't want my T to love me, but I want him to be interested in me, and usually I have been able to feel that he is, but today I couldn't.

For some reason, I'm feeling angry at T. I know that people here have suggested that I have every right to be mad at him for being away for so long. T said, too, that if I am angry with him about that, then that's what I feel and although I think that my anger is unreasonable, that does not really matter. I guess that if he really did care about me, he would not go for ten weeks without wondering how I was doing. Which is a preposterous thing for me to say - he is not paid to think about me outside of his office, and in his office he makes me feel listened to and understood, and he challenges my thinking and he never judges me and all those things that are the mark of a good therapist.

I wish I knew how to get rid of these thoughts, which get me nowhere.
I know I'm being childish.