with every episode i just get tired. being the noncompliant patient. i don't feel like fighting anymore. at least for now.

i'm still grieving. i looked over for my friend's messages. god i feel so confused.

everything has just been such a whirlwind here and while i've been following normal protocol to see pdoc regularly, i don't connect with pdoc. i just don't feel empathy in him. he doesn't seem to believe me either, that i'm just really down. thinking of just pushing back the appt even. god i don't know what i even want.

i'm just tired. i don't want to be in this mess. i hate depression. i hate it when it robs me of my life.