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I make a list of EVERYTHING I would miss. Things like vanilla ice cream, my dog, my T, natures beauty, coffee in the morning. Then I think about how much pain the people, that actually care for me, would be in. I think how my T would struggle with his emotions and thoughts about my death and if he did enough. It would be tormenting. I think of the incredible sadness my husband would feel and the blame he would place on himself. Then I think of how things are really not as bad as I make them out to be. That so what if I try things and fail. Yeah I can say all this now because I am not in a triggered state. Very hard to feel all that when I am feeling dispair and I am just unable to care.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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