I see my T in 3 hours. I'm terrified. I spent the whole night vomiting because of the anxiety. I took double the Ativan (Have Pdoc's permission for that dose). Thankfully, it worked. I slept through the whole night. But now that I'm awake I'm nauseous again and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

What if she leaves me? What if she can no longer accept me as a person? What if this is my termination session and I don't know it? What if she lies? Or puts on an act? What if she wants to punish me?

I know it's all irrational, but what if? Her past emails used to say: "Don't worry". This week she didn't write that. So what if my worrying is justified?

I know I got a lot of support on here for opening up about my past. And my T has been the most amazing T I have ever met. But she's human...

I wish I never told her. I wish today would go away.