No, No, No, it was not your fault!!!!!!! As far as punishing yourself goes, well, don't you think you've been punished enough already from the memories and feelings resulting from the abuse? I'm still trying to effectively cope with those ugly feelings when they come. It's so hard to do. Intentionally inflicting punishment on yourself won't resolve a thing. The blame, shame, and punishment belongs to the perp, NOT you. Try not to punish yourself for the wrongs of another. You deserve to treat yourself with the same understanding, compassion, and love that I bet you'd give to another in a similar situation. Treat yourself to a good dose of gentleness today and every day.