I posted about a week ago about the relationship I was in with my ex for 9 years. How he cheated, lied, and physically hurt me. And how I had finally left him. And this time I feel strong to stay away and not get sucked back in with his BS.

But after I left him about two months ago I started talking to this guy, Eric. And Eric was sweet and nice. And then we met up to go out for the first time. And we talked and hung out and while it wasn't really suppose to be a date it ended up that way when he reached over for my hand during the movie. And we had sooooo much in common. He's the type of guy I would have always imagined myself with and I started to really like him. After the past year(thats how long me and my ex were back together after out last separation) I desperately wanted to feel wanted. With my ex I was constantly begging him to tell me why he didn't act like he wanted to be with me, why he wouldn't sleep with me anymore and so on. Of course he just said I was crazy and starting drama. Well now here was a guy who liked me. Who leaned down and kissed me in the park...and then we went back to his place. And we just hung out and goofed out and then it led to more. And I'm ashamed to admit it but I slept with him. But honestly, it was amazing. There was passion, something my ex never showed for me. He was kind, he was sweet. And then I didn't hear from him for 3 days so I text him. And we talk and agree to continue as friends. Then I don't hear from him for over a week so I text him calling him and telling that it was real asshole move. Never heard from him again. Fast forward a month and I look him up on facebook. He just got engaged this past weekend! This guy who I really thought liked me used me to cheat on his gf and now hes engaged. This guy who I thought was perfect didn't want anything to do with me except to screw me.

And I feel like I've just had my heart ripped out. Leave a man who hurt for 9 years just to go to a guy who did the same thing. If not worse, cause at least my ex was with me. Not to mention this is the second guy I've ever been intimate with, the only guy I've ever gone out with besides my ex.

I feel really hurt.

But I'm also incredibly angry. at everyone. At eric, I wish I could send him a message and just tell him off. I wish I could yell at everyone and tell to just let me be. No one, especially my family, knows whats been happening these past 9 years. No one knows I've finally gotten the strength to leave my ex. No one knows I just got my heart ripped out again. Everyone expects me to be happy and cheery and on my feet. I'm expected to smile and laugh and go like nothing. And I just really want to scream.