I had electroshock in 2009. My 30+ years of struggling, pain, sheer torture were finally over. I went from over 12 meds to one maintenance med (Seroquel). Things have gone so well for the last 5 years. No more therapy. Seeing the pdoc only twice a year. Especially no more inpatient.

I took a new job in May. The responsibility is more than I imagined. The workload is impossible. No matter how hard I work each week I never get everything done. While things are slowly turning around, it's hard to remember change doesn't happen overnight. My workload has doubled since I came onboard with no end insight. On top of all the insanity at work, I decided to go back to school. I started my Master's program last week. I am still balancing everything (at least today) but the feelings of hopelessness and despair are slowly filtering back in. I can't go back to that place where life wasn't worth living. Spending every day trying to find a reason to continue. I'm scared. I haven't told anyone things are getting bad again. I'm hoping it's just a bad week.

Belle