Addiction is tough. Forgiveness is tougher. I think sometimes it's useful to put recovery slogans into use when it feels like nothing's working. One that has seen me through many times is "act as if". Act as if you have forgiven yourself: move forward, do positive things for yourself, allow goodness into your life, and continue your journey in healing and learning about yourself and the role that addictive behaviours play in your life. Do you have a support group (other than here)? I have found that essential in my recovery. Good luck with everything.