Well, I survived...barely. When I first entered my T's office, I couldn't look her in the eyes. I sat down in my normal spot, but she instead sat next to me (she has NEVER sat next to me). She got up right away, shut off all the lights and then sat back down next to me. She talked in a very quiet whisper and periodically would touch my arm or knee.

I cried so much. My T found a little pleasure in it because she finally got to offer me tissues and I had to accept. She was so caring and so supportive. She finally got me to relax a little when I told her how my ex-church performed a type of exorcism to cast out the demon of depression. She asked if it worked. I said no because I still have depression. She said: "Yeah, they don't usually work...except in movies". She got me to laugh

I ruined the end of session. I asked to hold her hand. She said no it's a boundary for her. I felt so rejected. She told me I could leave if I wanted to, but I only heard "you can leave". I bolted out in a complete breakdown. Didn't make it very far...my fiance stopped me and I collapsed in the hallway. I was devastated: not because she wouldn't touch me, but because I left w/o a hug. My fiance went to talk to her. He got her to come out and give me a hug...I got two hugs.

I've already emailed my T an apology email for being extremely emotional and disrespecting her boundary. But I realized now, I'm glad she has that boundary. If I feel physically sick from touching myself (i.e. showering), her touching my skin directly could have made me feel violated by her and that would be worse than rejected.

I am glad I saw her. I am so appreciative to have her in my life. I have the reassurance that she truly accepts me and cares about me. I couldn't dream up a better T.

Thank you all for your support!