I've been freaking out all day, so I finally called my T this evening. She agreed with my pdoc - Bipolar NOS. Basically, not bipolar as typically expressed in bipolar 1 or bipolar 2, but enough symptoms in a cyclic nature to call it bipolar, and she agrees with the mixed episode diagnosis as well.

Mostly I've been freaking out because of the prospect of additional medication - stronger medication - I have serious issues with taking meds, and I ended up dissociating with my pdoc so I couldn't ask questions. I think I'll call him tomorrow once I decide what I want to ask. I dropped the prescriptions off, that took a huge amount of courage. Of course, the pharmacy wasn't able to fill them tonight, so now I have to gather the courage to go pick up the prescriptions tomorrow, and the take them. I'm not sure I can. Just talking about it with T on the phone this evening had me hyperventilating.