But, I'm sorry. Seriously, sorry because I just whined some more in that post. I do hear you though. Part of the problem, I think, is that I need more direction. Right now it feels like my life has no meaning, it does in the eyes of my little ones, but it is hard to see that. I honestly want to go to work in some ways although I know my pdoc would be against it and my family wouldn't allow it because of my stability. I just feel it could give me more of a purpose. I didn't feel this badly when I worked. It could be argued that my illness has gotten worse since my last major episode and that it won't get better, but I don't think I'll know for sure unless I get back out there and try. I am almost certain, however, that no matter where life takes me, no matter the season, I will always deal with this wretched illness.