this is my first time here. i found this site a few weeks ago, but i just thought seriously about writing this morning. i guess i'm writing because i know it would be good to talk about my problems, but i'm not seeing a therapist and it's hard to talk to the people closest to me. i've never seen a therapist or been on any medication, but i know i have ocd. it isn't severe, but it does interfere with my life and my happiness. i also have mild anxiety and experience chest pains from that-- i had an echocardiogram about a year ago to make sure the pain wasn't from something else and since having that done and knowing what causes it the pains have gotten less severe. i'm sorry if i ramble, but there's just so much on my mind.

i wasn't always like this. looking back i think i may have had a tendancy (sp?) towards this, even as a child, but it seems in the last 6 or 7 years things have just changed so much. i've been through a lot of rough times with family and friends and even though i can find the good in most of those situations i guess it's really taken a toll on me mentally and physically. after a really bad experience with a certain birth control i am totally against taking meds. i'm very happy for those that are helped by medication, but personally i have to find other ways to help myself. i read a post yesterday that mentioned the book brain block, so i ordered it and i'll have it today. i paid more for shipping than the book itself just so i could have it asap. if it helps it's worth it. i've also learned that my body doesn't handle stress very well. i don't know, i just feel like everything is out of control. and i want to be happy-- i have so much to be thankful for-- i have a nice home and a wonderful husband, the sweetest dog, a decent job, great relationships with my family and friends...and sometimes i'm really happy, but other times i'm completely overwhelmed by what goes on in my head. i don't expect anyone to give me the answers to solve my problems, i know we are all different, but i just wanted to write to people who i know will understand and will listen. thanks for reading this. i'd love to hear from anyone who wants to write back.