I'm not doing so well. I had a doctor appointment on 8/6 but I was so excited about finally seeing my parents on 8/8 that I forgot during all the chaos. I thought I would just reschedule and continue taking my meds in the interim...only to realize I have no more refills. My medication helped but it wasn't quite strong enough to take care of the little bit of my anxiety that makes me avoidant so I never called to reschedule until today. I just become delusional, tell myself I still have time, it hasn't been that long. This is how months go by with me hiding from my responsibilities.

A lot is going on. My Mom is being biopsied 9/2. I had to rush around to replace my PA DL with a NY DL. I'm trying to get a job at the library but now I have no ID because the NY DMV took my PA DL. I have to put all my loans in deferment but one of them requires this be done through several steps and via mail; the mail makes me even more anxious than the telephone.

My weight is up. I've been binging for days. I have a new puppy coming which I was happy about until I started worrying about money and my friend told me it looks like he might be deaf or blind based on his eye color... His girlfriend said it might just be due to the Merle gene and he could be fine but now that the idea is in my head, I've been scared since last night. This isn't the first time he's said the wrong thing to me either. After telling him my Mom is being biopsied, he went on to tell me that he makes $65k now and will be applying for a job that pays a base salary of $112k. Who says that to someone with depression and severe anxiety while she's talking about her Mom possibly being seriously ill?!

Classes started 8/25. I gotta figure out how everything is arranged. I have to take my Lab puppy to the vet tomorrow for an ear infection. Etc. I have so much I need to do, things I need to cancel, do, inquire about, find, fill out, etc. I keep breaking down in tears, entirely overwhelmed. Every so often, I get up and make a call, cross something off my list. Then I totally freeze up and have to wait for the terror to pass.

The biggest catch will be quitting my job. I need to quit like...now. It's causing me so much anxiety and depression that I think it's my primary problem.

Last night I snapped. I walked into the bathroom with a knife and cut a little bit. At the time, it didn't look like I had even broken the skin but while getting undressed later, my fiance saw two lines on my upper arm and became really sad.

No one has paid much attention to me. I can't tell anyone else here what's going on and when I've sought help online on other forums, no one has given me the time of day. But I'm crashing, I'm really having trouble and I want it to stop but I know I'll have to wait for my meds to kick back in. =(

Any help while I try to stabilize myself would be appreciated...tips, talking off the ledge, anything.