First I totally understand how u feel about the falling thing. About 2 years ago I tried to take my life and obviously it didn't work. I felt like a major failure who couldn't do anything right, not even that. As far as going deep enough my T told me that on your wrists its almost impossible to go deep enough because u have to get through the tendons which immediately makes ur hand unusable. U didn't fail. I agree with thiswayout, it really is a win even if u don't see as one right now. Hope u feel better and make it through the rough times.