For weeks i've been feeling like i'm living a numb existance, trapped in a gray oblivion. Like i'm watching my life on a staticy t.v. and I don't have a remote to control the things that happen. I'm drowning in negative emotions and internal conflict. I feel alone, empty, worthless and miserable. I used to be filled with energy and happiness but now i'm wallowing in misery. I've always felt doomed but it's getting worse. Sometimes I wonder why i'm here, there really isn't a point in my being here besides keeping my mom company. My grades SUCK, my friends only want to be around me if their plans for other people fall through, i'm non existant to the other gender and my future has no hope for success or happiness.

I just don't know why I keep feeling like this. Why everything about me is wrong. I hate complaining and whining about how pathetic I am. I really do, I rarely ever tell people about how I feel not even close friends. Everyone just gets annoyed because i'm so withdrawn and mopey. I don't know how to make this end other than alcohol and drugs but i'm only 18 I shouldn't be dependant on a bottle for temporary numbness.

This is getting a bit out of control. I mean look at me now, i'm complaining about how miserable I am to a bunch of people who don't know me and shouldn't have to deal with me. Sometimes I just wonder if I and everyone else would be better off without me. Hell, i'd be better off without ME.