I think I have realised why I am struggling so much with the thought of turning 29. When you are in your early/mid twenties, I feel that people still see you as needing a bit of looking after and nurturing. Especially from older people who still see that age as kids. Yet when you hit 29, I feel like people see you differently. I have never felt like I have had proper nurturing. Someone who hugs me a lot and loves me unconditionally, someone who listens and wants to spend lots of quality time with me, someone who I can go and talk to about anything, a mentor etc. So basically I feel I have lacked a mother/auntie type figure. I had a colleague at work who sort of took on that role as she is 15 years older. She used to call me sweet names, hug me a lot and say she loved me and I felt we were like family. But that has all gone now and we aren't as close anymore and when I do see her, she goes on about my age and me catching up with her. It makes me sad we can never get that time back. Sometimes I am tempted to forgive her for the hurt she has caused me in case there is a chance she can care for me the way she once did which sounds utterly pathetic I know.
But generally, I just feel sad and also guilty at my needing this in my life and not being more mature over it. I am so good at caring for other people and am a mother figure to so many myself. I just wish I had that for me. Does that sound silly or weird? I am trying to make sense of it in my own head by writing this.