It's hard to trust and let someone in though, isn't it? I often wonder if I'm drawn to the 'wounded aloneness' because it's what I know, or maybe it's the narcissistic part of me that thinks no one can help, I have to do it all on my own.

I found the piece really poignant because I feel I'm at that stage of wondering whether I'll ever be able to internalise a 'good enough' experience, and whether therapy is actually just rubbing salt into the wound... the let downs, the breaks, loving someone who doesn't love me back... feels like a continuous replay. So, for those who have, how do you break the cycle?

Whilst you ask those questions, the internalisation us happening

I don't know about breaking the cycle, but I do know about taking in all of the goodness. My therapist isn't quite as nurturing with me as my last T was, but when he is, it feels so good I'm just in awe for days afterwards. I still feel like I'm ~melting~ from our session yesterday.

It seems like the most profound effect follows bearing my soul and allowing myself to be vulnerable, even if it is just a few minutes of the session. But my defenses come down really easily now that I feel so safe with him; now I can remain in that state longer and longer....

The relinquishing of defenses, along with regression, seems to be a huge part of the internalization process, which I think is part of limited reparenting. There are many times I feel like I'm just a little baby, and whether it's between sessions or during session, he lets me experience really young things like 'merging' with him, over-excitement, and needing/asking for his soothing, and with acceptance and empathy instead of rejection, fear, and abandonment. I'm getting things from him that I never got as a child.



eta: I just realized that the stuff of therapy that I think is most important is stuff that is hardly ever talked about here. Not sure what to make of that. ?
I know this type of therapy is not for everyone though....