I was doing a lot of Emotional Recovery work and opening up the lake of buried, hidden and stuffed down feelings that had plagued me since early childhood and, in the process of facing my unhealed feelings, I had to face unhealed feelings and events in my then marriage. After working on my issues for a while, it became obvious that I could no longer stay in an abusive, dysfunctional, frightening and going nowhere marriage so I LEFT HER!
A wise and experienced friend in Recovery meetings told me to write down all of the reasons that I was leaving my wife and put it in my wallet BECAUSE sooner of later I would be tempted to forgive and forget and GO BACK TO HER! I laughed at the time but did what he said and then, sure enough, about a month after leaving her, I had these sad, lonely and fearful impulses to kiss and make up but that list of grievances in my wallet SAVED ME! I gradually learned to live on my own and become FREE so I have never regretted leaving my 1st marriage. I only regret that, after I learned how to make a relationship work, she had no interest in such silly things otherwise we might still be together. I am happily married now and we both know how to make it work and WORK AT IT!
In my current opinion, almost everyone suffers from bottled up, unhealed & painful feelings from early childhood and that is why so many suffer so much when a relationship ends and some or all of their painful, unfinished business from way before their last relationship comes back up to be felt and RESOLVED but so few know how to do this and fewer still have he courage to go find out how to get resolved. I have no idea how our divorce effected my ex but, since I knew she was carrying a lot of unhealed wounds from her own family, I can only imagine that she suffered a lot - BUT not because of me or our sad and trouble marriage - BECAUSE of unhealed feelings from her own early childhood in a rather messy family back in England.
IMO, unfinished business is ALWAYS the problem.
jim