Maybe if you go through your old posts here you'll see it: I recall instances of you seeming to almost deliberately walk right into it- you were doing so much foreshadowing about being how sure things were going to work out badly in specific ways.

Also, you can't find out if your friends are emotionally available until you share some emotions with them... not sure if you've risked that yet?j

Also, also, I did post again, saying... ya know, with the issues w/your T, some of the resistance could just be a very reasonable situational resistance.