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Originally Posted by dedicatedtonone
- I feel somewhat used,
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If I were in that situation, I would NOT put up with it. My self esteem and self respect would not let ANYONE use me again, so I would stand up to any Users and they would either back down or there would be a HUGE FIGHT!
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- I feel she is guilt tripping us in some ways.
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I would apply the same principle to a Guilt Tripper (my mom was one) because good self esteem and self worth WILL NOT allow it! I'd put such a person right in their place if they pulled that stuff on me now!
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- She is taking over my space. We have a small 3 by 2 so we dont have much individual space. She can be helpful but also extremely lazy and i feel like I have to be the adult alot. Covering dinner and accommodating her and my partner. Changing my washing days or she complains etc when its our house?
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I would google: Assertiveness training and LEARN HOW to deal with such a person, mother or not. I would not allow any of that to happen to me now that I know what my rights are!
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- She has started to add her personal opinions when it comes to my relationship which I feel is none of her business
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If someone did that to me now (my wife's mother tried it!) I would stand up them and make it very clear that I WILL NOT put up with it! I would let such a person know how FAR I will go if they push it!
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- When I discuss things with my partner he chooses not to communicate about it.
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I would never allow anything to damage the relationship with my wife/partner nor would I tolerate my partner cutting off communications with me because of a troublesome in-law. I would work with my partner to make sure we are still in good communication and able to make things work no matter who is complicating our life. I am lucky though to have a partner who sticks by me - NO MATTER WHAT!
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I feel really angry, hurt and stuck.
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If I were that angry and hurt, I would take a very strong and determined stand to get my life back and do whatever it takes to DUMP the troublesome person. I have worked on my self worth so I would not have allowed such a person to move in with my wife and I in the first place, but, even if I had, I would still stand my ground and back the trouble maker down each time they displeased or offended my wife or me. I simply would not allow anyone to walk all over me ever again - it was bad enough when I lived in my parent's unhappy home as a dependent, frightened child! I credit self esteem work for showing me that I have RIGHTS and how to claim them. If I were you, I would think seriously about WHY I am allowing my mother to do this to me and then I'd figure out HOW to put a stop to it - that's what I would do.
good luck,
jim
