I never thought about this until now. And it relates to something that happened tonight. I rarely go out with friends. Actually, let me make a correction-- I rarely have any friends. I feel extremely disconnected to people around me, and prefer to spend time either alone or with my husband.

Today I had to spend 13 hours in school. I had a class from 8 am to 4 pm (I have this for the whole week) and then a make-up class from 6 to 9 PM because the last one of the semester had been cancelled due to the nor'easter. So after it ended tonight, I ended up going out with 3 other people to basically celebrate the end, and blow off some steam. I had a really good time, which was... different for me. I did not really feel disconnected. I think I have realized, through talking to T, that it's not always 'me.' I'm always blaming that fact that I feel disconnected and do not make friends easily on myself. True, I do feel a serious disconnection at times, but I do realize that when I find people who value similar things to me, who have substance, and who are insanely passionate about something-- whether it's music, art, politics, whatever.... then I can get along okay. I tend to always attribute everything to my pathology and tell T that what I'm doing is 'not okay.' I think that I am beginning to learn, through therapy, that sometimes I am just looking for something a bit different.

And that's the only response I'm writing tonight because I have to wake up in 5 and half hours for another 8 am to 4 PM class-- Group therapy class!! Hey, by Friday I will be an expert in group therapy!