I feel your pain after nearly 4 years without a major episode I am spiraling down once again losing all hope that I will ever have anything close to a normal life and right now I don't have much faith in medicine due to side effects but I have got back into therapy and Seeking out people like myself as you probably know if you don't have bipolar you simply just will not understand it if I don't find a support group I will probably give up hoping for hope and well god only knows what I'll do then so use all your support and hope for the best good luck