Oh, I am sorry you went through that. It is so sad when children are born to people who think they are just mere objects and don't realize how their need to only care about themselves adversely affects the child in so many ways. People have children all the time and have absolutely no idea how to properly nurture and raise a child at all.

I think that what you need to do is step away from your emotional self and take some time to realize/understand how this is not about "your worthiness" at all, your father did not even know "how" to think about a child the way you needed him to. Just because he kept your brother, doesn't mean he knew what your brother needed either. It can be similar to being able to manage one dog and not two, and that doesn't even mean loving or actually training or caring about a mere dog, let alone a human child.

Whatever you did to thrive in your life that you may not like, is not your fault either, you did things to try to thrive and you did things without having the right caring mentorship. Unfortunately, this happens with a lot of children and in all classes of people too.

Your healing is going to be about "grieving" whatever has hurt you, what you did not understand that was never your fault either. However, you can learn to develop better ways of thriving and gaining knowledge about how to live better, understand better and even do better for yourself "in spite" of whatever you did not know "how" to do or self protect from in your past.

PTSD is a challenge and often tells the person who is suffering messages of unworthiness,
however, those are only messages of "hurts" that need to be discussed, validated, and healed and taught/learned to overcome.

(((Caring Healing Hugs)))
OE