or better yet, if you are the ptsd type that had to fight and flee, for real, how do you impress upon your unscathed uncommunitive engineer son the need to get busy and move fast.

Yesterday doc said I was good. Yesterday evening I thought I'd have to sleep in ER to he safe. Today I am in the air between suicide or going home. I'm serious. If I can't move fast and get others to match my pace I get suicidal. I feel that unsafe.

How do I make kiddo understand?

He's so unscathed. His life is ordered and orderly. He plans ahead. He's never had to fight. He's never been hungry. He never had to move fast. He is so unlike any other man I've loved. Daddy was ptsd ADHD poster child. Kiddos dad was one of the students who got their funds frozen after a revolution. I am not used to pre-ptsd men. They seem unmanly to me. I don't want my son to go get traumatised but I am infuriated by him and want to bang a pan or light a fire under him. He seems to me like a spoiled lackadaisical kid. And I know he isn't. He's good. He just isn't like his father or my father. Or me. I don't feel trust or safety with men other than men who've been tempered in the fire. It makes me sad.

And I need to get a move on!

Ffs doc said I was sharp and clear when I was going fast. Now I'm crying in bed thinking its back to ER or finish it. My own son should help me when I ask.