i really dont know what love means, but i know that i got a fluffy kind feeling 3 years ago when i met that guy. i don't feel it anymore, maybe because i got some older and those feelings don't play a big role in my life. but still, with the same guy, i try to convince myself it's still there. but actually, i dont know. i dont know why either. i know that what he thinks of me means everything to me, not literally what he thinks of me, but if i am the one to make him happy, it's like a weight goes off my shoulders. it's something i have to do. it sounds so weird.. secondly, it's soo important to me if he cares about me. more than anyone else, if a friend left, i would be sad and dissapointed, and feeling betrayed. but when he left.. it felt like i failed. i want to talk to him again, but im afraid i will fail again. and i totally emberrassed myself in front if his friend, which is the only one near him which still wants to talk to me. i still keep finding excuses for why i did this, or why i did that. i dont know why i can just quit talking about it because all what i say about it is complete nonsense. i feel so bad, how can i turn everything back?