Underground, yes I am a NON, and yes I don't understand N's. I get this error in my head when I hear that someone is aware of his dysfunctional behavior, that he is hurting people around without any reason, projecting his damaged upbringing, and after acknowledging all that, he is doing nothing about it, not care that he is hurting others, and proceeding doing it.
Where do we get if N is hurting constantly, and he is doing it compulsively, and it has been told to him, and people starts to avoid him...? Where do we get?
Is the only option you are saying to distance from N and break the contact and/or stay with an N and keep hurting?
I just get this error in my head cause you are saying that you don't give a damn that others are hurt, and that there is nothing to do about it cause N needs to discharge his need to gaslight, manipulate and hurt.
What do you say, where is the "Manual" for everyday people who haven't read about NPD? Are you saying that that every person that N is making a contact with needs to be educated about this disorder?
From my experience while dealing with N in my life, I would say that life is too short to be sucked into N's tragedy cause here, in my country, there is very little help.
Also I understand that N's need to talk about their issues in order to make a control over their behavior.
The only thing that pisses me off is that you've sad that N's hurt others, they know about it, and they don't care about it.