Teacake, when you feel you have to "move fast" and others are not keeping up with you, that is the ADHD in you. I really think that if you treat that "first" you will have a lot more patience. I am sure it must be hard for you because with the ADHD symptoms of "hurry up quick" along with the "PTSD flight response". You actually "can" talk yourself down, you know this, but I really feel that if you treat the ADHD with medications designed to help it, you will do better.

I am sorry your son doesn't understand all this, wouldn't it be nice if he did and was able to tell you about all the "good" you did as that kind of support is very "calming" and encouraging and actually does help with developing more patience. Well, he just doesn't know "how" to do that for you, I have had that challenge myself as often my daughter fails to see what I did "right" too. It can sure hurt sometimes, yes I know that, but gotuta learn "how" to let that go, and I know it ain't easy at times.

I think you need to focus on the ADHD and treat that "first" to see how that helps you, it may be a god scent you have been searching for. I have spent my entire life dealing with the cycles of ADHD in others in my life so I do understand those "cycles" and I really feel if you treat that challenge it can be very helpful.