I have a really stupid question -

I don't understand vulnerability. I just do not compute. I know and believe my therapist won't shout at me/ be horrible/ laugh in my face if I was visibly vulnerable in a session.

But what good can it do?? What good to have her confirm that (with my attachment issues for example) no, I would never be a welcome part of her life outside the office? Or that no, she would never miss me the way I do her?

Or to take another example, what good can come from sobbing about my dead mother in front of my therapist? She can say some platitudes and look at me full of compassion and genuine empathy. But I know and she knows perfectly well that the clock chimes the hour, we say a pleasant goodbye and I go down the stairs in a million fragments of pain. Then she forgets about it or puts it in the appropriate mental box marked 'clients' but I stay stuck like that for hours/ days.

I often feel like I'm in a sort of concentration camp, and my T and friends and family are all on the other side of the fence - the safe side. It's more painful to me when I admit I'm in the concentration camp, acknowledging that yep I'm there by myself and on borrowed time, unlike them. Much easier to bear if I pretend I'm on the safe side of the fence too.