Yeah, my first horse had been somehow abused. He was fine until anyone tried to tighten the girth--then he'd fly back. Broke lots of halters. I had to work very slowly with him. I did like you at first--no cross ties and a long line. Then he got so that he would stand in the cross ties, while I puttered about. I'd appear to reach for the girth, but not and keep moving onto brushing him or something. Then just release the girth and let it hang, all the while puttering and touching him elsewhere at the same time. It took months of such work, but his trust in me and in circumstances gradually increased.

The long line is still a frame. The frame isn't inflexible, but it is secure. Your horse and mine had to come to trust that we wouldn't let them hurt themselves. An out of control horse is very scary to itself, as well as others. Much like an out of control toddler is often very afraid. Just as it takes small steps to build a horse's confidence in himself as well as in us, it's the same with a T and client. Of course, it's more complex and intellectual, but at its root, I think the trust is very primal. For us it recalls or creates the sense of security we experienced or should have experienced around 12--36 months. That's usually the origin of attachment issues and bonding.

So how does a T do it? Through the frame. Time and place of sessions. Consistency of affect. Availability--but not uncontrolled availability. Non-judgmental acceptance. Calmness in the face of extreme emotion. Demonstrated empathy. Self-containment (not the same as blank slate). Ego strength. At first the frame supports us, even cradles us--we draw from it. As time goes on, we learn to internalize it as an extension of our T. When "boundary" issues flare up, it's often because we feel secure enough that a resistance has appeared. And because the frame is flexible, it can respond to such moments as needed. But all of this takes an aware T and one who is very secure in creating and handling the frame. Your T has been pretty erratic in the past in this regard and I think that has hampered your ability to gain a belief in yourself that you can survive your emotions. You're still breaking halters.