The diagnosis of PTSD is new to me, but PTSD is certainly not new. I was abused as a child and as a teenager and I live in terror everyday. My first complete memory of life is at 11. Everything else in life is in fragments. Of the trauma, I see the surroundings, feel the pain and hear the sounds. The worst part is I cant remember the faces, even the faces of ppl who loved me. It is this that tears me apart the most. i have begun scratching myself in my sleep, the dissociation, i have long lost my battle with that.

I get up every morning and feel exhausted. Im writing this and every piece of me wants to go back to bed. The physical pain, somatization is terrible. I need better professional help, I need a lot. every day is a struggle and right now I just no longer know what to do. I also been diagnosed with boderline personality disorder. My family doesnt understand and I have become isolated. Never have I felt so alone, vulnerable and scared.