Well, I have to say your anger is definitely normal, and that anger needs to be expressed, but the injustice that your mom made against you also needs to be forgiven. Until it is, it will continue to hold power over you.

Forgiveness isn't saying that a person was right to hurt you, but instead it's not allowing that hurt to control your life any further. Getting to a point where you can let go of what she did to you won't change her, but it will set you free.

Also, it seems to have lead to a childhood vow, and these can often become great tripping points for us later in life. Here the vow seems to be "I will never borrow a single dime from my children." And yet, some day you may come to a point in life where it would be healthy to utilize that kind of support from your children. But that doesn't mean you would have to manipulate money out of them and use scare-tactics to keep them quiet. Essentially, the hurt you went through is pushing you to the other extreme, which can also be unhealthy.