Tonight am anxious, was a very difficult day. Depressed and with panic attacks later in the evening. All the prescription are mix and match in my body, there is the pain medicine, the depression medication, the anxiety one, the prevention for cancer recurrence one, all of them + I forgot the radiation treatment are a combo that are not very friendly for my body and mind.

Tomorrow would be a better day, tomorrow might not be a better day, I better stop with the "what if tomorrow ..... " and focus in the present. I would like to rest reading a good book and sleep knowing that in the morning I will have nightmares before I finally wake up, but I am ready, I know what is coming ...