I used to be much more like this. But I hit some situations where I just had to be honest and blunt, and when my T didn't pull back from me for it, that's when I sort of really started learning that I could say whatever I wanted. I am relatively relaxed now, most of the time in session. A few weeks ago, I hadn't slept well, and at one point I absent-mindedly put my head down on the arm of the couch. I instantly sat up and apologized, but it really showed me how much I have come to relax and just be there in my sessions.