Hi everyone

Not sure what is going on right now...or maybe I am, I don't know. But anyway, my brother came to stay with me for a month cause he left his fiancé so needed somewhere to stay till he found his own place. He is the most manipulative, soul draining, emotional vacuum I have ever known. He has gone now but I am left feeling this awful panic and glumness. He messages me every day telling me about a new big drama in his life and I just can't take it anymore. He has triggered me into a tornado of emotion and rage. Yesterday I told him I didn't feel well but it didn't stop him. I have already told him he drains me but it doesn't stop him. If I don't help him, I feel a terrible huge amount of guilt.

We grew up with a mother with severe mental health issues. I wont go into details but we learned if we pleased her, she would be happy...and we felt as though it was our responsibility to make her better again. I feel the same responsibility towards my brother I don't know how to explain this, but my brother is VERY ill equipped to manage his life, he is totally out of this world....just like my mum. He lives in a bed sit and isn't washing his clothes or anything. He opted for drugs rather than a bath towel to take a shower. Somehow he is managing to keep his cleaning job but I don't know how long for as he is back on drugs again.

And another thing, while he stayed with me, he introduced me to a new drug which I am still taking. I know it is not his fault but he knows I am an addict myself and still he gave me some.

I am in such a mess....I don't know where to turn or if this is me back in the pits for some time.

Just needed to air that...thanks for reading