Sorry for too many threads and too less replie to other threads, i'm just so desperate and even can't see any T etc because of illness so I sit home and cry.

My ex T said we can meet after 3 mounths or more, I was crushed and called him.
He destroys me, I'm mad at him, he makes me want to die.
Oh why, it's so f***ing cruel, okay he said he will call me next week.
Thanks my ex T I started to smoke again, I was given up smoking, I started to overdose meds again.
He destroyed my hope to be again in normal therapy with him, okay we can see once a mounth but I know it would be killing to see him once a mounth.
He said he doesn't want me to love him. Okay then go to hell! I won't love you!

Yes, yes I will see another stupid T but I hate all of them, so maybe I couldn't. They never helped me. None of Ts/pdocs.
I don't want to live anymore. Cruel world. I want to bleed but I must not.
Why did I leave him, oh why, now he revenges me for leaving him, he tortures me when I need him, I hate him but I can't live without him. Nothing helps me. I hate myself for leaving him, I left him just because I love him.