I don't have ADD or ADHD. I'm driven but I don't see mania although I'm grateful to good careful doctors who won't take their chances with my life.

I've. got PTSD. No Axis II. Axis III "Enigma". High histamine and perimenopause.

And now I've got to pack a car and drive back east in time to till me a late garden and plant some beans and winter kale. It's a slow leisurely life...someone else will harvest the corn and then I can walk the woods picking pecans.

I have a nice slow gear.

But...I talked to my boy and he kept saying I have time, take my time, he can fly out and I realised.. I haven't been planning a move...but an evacuation...not relocating but bugging out...acting like the law is on my tail or the river's risin'.

I go fast or I go slow but I have no middle gears. Never have had. Daddy had PTSD and what I have. Men get me. Men with PTSD get me. Women don't. Women with a lot of PTSD men get me. Let me be. So I'm not completely lonely and unfriended. But...

My garden soothed me...and it was a rented urban weedlot. I might heal on my own land. I might find nature's pace. It helps that I can't afford to burn the electric lights.

But I've got to get there LOL!

PTSD got me at eighteen.

The best advice for it is found in Somerset Maughams novel The Razors Edge. Hard physical labor and yoga and philosophical inquiry will heal it.

The house is furnished. I only have to pack art and clothes. It's still hard to leave here.

Am I using PTSD as an excuse not to pack because I'm lazy or do we really get sufi-like? Ive had peace pilgrim fantasies for a long while now.

Is it ok to leave it all but the art and essentials?