Quote:
Originally Posted by Walkingaround
And here is the biggest difference between classics and covert ... I dont respect myself. I do not have insight of beeing good person. I do want to be. but I'm not. I build a dreamland around me and live my life in that dream that i am what i would like to be - godlike. But at the same time i see who i am. Classics usually dont see themself as they are-or refuses to see. Bevouse it would too painfull, too much to handle. I see it everyday. I see the huge gap between what i am and what i want to be,deaire to be. And i will not settle daydreaming about beeing. Its over taking need to be. Hunger that never gets eaten. And it kills me everyday. So no, i dont respect myself.
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WOW, I understand this one way too much!!! Walkingaround THANK YOU for this. Some may complain of the push and pull but in these ways you speak of it is a constant push and pull between our own sides. Many of us seek to be better. Some days I am and others it's just normal to be how I have been already for so many years without a thought. Oh wait then you say if I am so perfect, or even "godlike" for that matter how is it that I have this disorder. It really F&*ks your mind up especially when first found out. I understand respect as I hold it high expected from others but I think my sight on the subject is that respect is a word that can have a broad range. I expect too much from others and base it on myself growing up. Meaning the way I would act for my father, to make sure approval was validated. I notice that I forget my kids to be normal. I imagine how it was for me growing up, not asked to do but just did. I can't expect my own kids to be like this as I have because this is not normal. I am obviously not going into great detail but I will assume you catch my drift. I suppose respect to me is looked at as if it's owed to me no matter what and this is wrong. Admitting flaws is key I guess as I do know I have many!!! Respect is earned not just given. My own respect is a little blurred!!!