Quote:
Originally Posted by bluedonna92
Thanks for the constructive comments. I am aware that my brother is technically an adult, but the fact of the matter is that he lives at home, and is only 24, and has demonstrated few adult behaviors to be treated as say equal to our dad who works overtime nearly every week and pays for everything.
I think the contributing to expenses might be a good idea, though it may call into question my younger brother's contribution, since he also lives at home (though he works). He did have a manager at one point, but maybe just not a good one? Even having an agent he'd have to respond to emails or calls, which I think he stopped doing.
I know it's humiliating for him to be treated like a teenager. That's part of why I want to help him! So dad won't resort to disciplining that he'd use on a child.
It is difficult for me to conceptualize how my brother does not see the need for him to grow up, and pay for himself. It feels as though he is avoiding reality in any way possible. If not for himself, at least he should respect his dad enough to know he must take on grown up responsibilities. I'm not asking for him to suddenly become a social butterfly! The most I can ask for is for him to get a job and start performing piano again, so at least he'll be doing something enjoyable with feedback from human beings, as opposed to playing a computer game for days, with no feedback from anyone.
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See therin lies part of the problem many people with autism/aspergers face...because of our disability interfering with ability to socially interact, handle stress and many of us have sensory issues, co-morbid conditions and executive functioning difficulties....So then people think its ok to not treat us 'equal' and continue regarding us as children that can have their behavior modified through being punished the way you would punish a child misbehaving...and generally being treated like children and even talked down to.
So no I do not agree that having an impairment that interferes with life is reason to treat someone as less equal...or act as though they aren't entitled to the same rights any other adult is. I can see severe cases of certain conditions where the person might need monitering and litterally has the mind of a child so thus need to be taken care of like one...but you say your brother has mild aspergers, that is not reason to treat him like a child or take his things away...unless of course its something he is harming himself with.
Also I am 25 and live at home...I pay rent now that i am on SSI and have some form of income, if I didn't live at home I would be on the streets homeless...so I certainly do not think my contribution should be called into question, if your brother is helping contribute to bills then that is a fair contribution I'd think. I mean jeeze what does your family expect of him a normal functioning successful individual who acts just like your typical adult? Because that is not what you guys are going to get.
Also what if he can't get a job? What if he's going through a difficult time with depression(very likely in people with AS and one sign of it can be stopping doing things you enjoy, not bothering with things you normally care about and generally not having energy/motivation even for basic things...taking a shower can be a major difficulty in that state....so by your dad treating and punishing him like a child/teen as if he's misbehaving when it very well could do with his DISORDER is only going to make things worse especially if there is depression going on. What reason will he have to keep going when his family just sees him as some burden, who's useless and deserves to be treated like a child unless he manages to get a job and move out. As it doesn't sound like he has any other support system.
Hate to say it but if he's unable to get a job, and your parents find it good reason to kick him out....well not sure being out on the streets with trouble reading peoples body language and communicating would end well....from the sound of it he doesn't have friends he can go stay with....Seems like your parents need to have more compassion, instead of expecting him to function perfectly when he has a bloody disorder that interferes with that.