Yesterday was.. bad.

I just wanted to curl up and die. So I curled up in a corner of my room (there's a couple of pillows there for that purpose) and cried. My mum (I live at home) sat with me, talked with me, and eventually called the crisis people.
I didn't want to go to the hospital because I was just too ****ing tired. Couldn't imagine actually doing so - it meant standing up, going to the other side of the room, picking up my pants, changing into my pants, going downstairs... Far too exhausting.
So my mum asked me "what do you think will help you" and I said "Sleep. Sleeping pills."
Phone assessment by a pdoc. I've had temazepam (Restoril/Normison) in the past, and it traps me in nightmares. I have terrible nightmares, once or twice a night, so.. not preferable. Lorazepam (Ativan/Orfidal) has me wetting the bed for the first two nights I take it, although I sleep very well on it. But I am too tired to get out of bed and shower in the middle of the night so that wasn't an option either.
I've taken zolpidem in the past, was prescribed for two months, but I quit after ten days because it wasn't helping me.

Well there weren't a lot of options left according to the pdoc. I was about to say that I'd take the temazepam - I just wanted to SLEEP, even if it meant terrible nightmares - when he suggested I take oxazepam (Seresta/Serax).

I did that last night, woke up at 6 in the morning which was better than expected (When I took oxazepam to sleep in the past, I'd always wake up 5 hours after I took it. Meaning usually 3 AM.).

Still so very tired though. And it just isn't ending.