I am new here - I hope you guys dont mind if I "talk" a bit. Am going through a pretty difficult time at the moment, trying to deal with the past but I dont know if I have the strength. I feel so utterly pathetic - I dont even know whether what happened to me was abuse. My grandparents certainly refused to believe what happened with their "friend" - "we must have imagined it". All I can remember is being pushed about - physical aggresion, being followed to the bathroom - being tricked into the bedroom and being forced onto the bed and kissed by this man. Uggh makes me feel sick. I dont know if that is all that happened - have tried talking to my mum about it but the subject just isnt discussed. I blocked it out for so long, but started getting flashbacks with my first sexual partner - which resulted in panic attacks and agoraphobia. Since then Ive blocked it out again by using binging/purging (Im bulimic). Im in recovery at the moment and working through issues in therapy. Started getting flashbacks, binging getting worse, cut myself, started drinking and feel disconnected and emotionally numb. Im so scared and so confused - surely I woulid remember if anything else happened?? I cant get this off my mind - I feel like I am going insane, just dont know what to do.

Sorry xx