Until I went through trauma therapy twice this past winter/spring I never knew I had PTSD.. also I had never been woken up by anything but an alarm since the incident had occurred.

My poor mother, shes probably the sweetest person I know and she was waking me up to go to intensive therapy and I wasnt waking up so she put her hand on my shoulder and it woke me up alright. It put me in an automatic defensive mode and I lunged out of bed at her with my whole hand covering her face. Thankfully I realized where I was and who she was really quick but it scared the crap outta us both... never had anything like that happened. .

Im now terriefied to stay at friends or have them stay over and if they do I tell em not to touch me if im asleep and I get super serious. They look at me like im crazy. Im probably over reacting but im afraid of what I might do if that one time I dont realize who they are in time. Id never forgive myself if I hurt someone I cared about by accident.

Then I think to future when I have a family.. what then.. it makes me almost not want to have one. To save people from this hot mess.. idk.. so frustrated