I don't understand what's wrong with me.

I get these "crying spells" where I feel the need to cry. I just sit there and cry and cry. I feel so bad because it randomly happens mostly in school but also at home and other places and I feel bad for the people around me dealing with it. People get annoyed with it, but I never know what to tell them.

My grandmother passed away a month ago as of today and I keep getting dreams of it. Just me being with her and memories good and bad. She had alzheimer's and dementia and I get dreams of her when she fell in the middle of the night, walked around at night, the burial site, when she died, the funeral, her not recognizing me, and her screams when she was in pain or when she fell at night.

I wake up for school upset and in a bad mood so I go to school and treat people badly and I don't notice it. I've been told I'm caring more about myself than others and I can't think of this. And knowing I have ADD and a neuro problem isn't helping either.

I'm just so upset and I'm afraid to fail in school again, not screw up, and everything. I've had these "crying spells" before my grandmother passed away also. I don't think about her much but I do sometimes so it's not a constant thing on my mind.

I wish I was normal!!!!!!!