I didn't see this before.
Isn't that how kids go, full speed until they bonk? I like it myself. Empty out the sugar. Burn down to nothing. We are meant to work physically.
My dad always said there is no such thing as ptsd you only need to get some physical exercise and the best physical exercise was yardwork! He's right of course but we didn't know then. He scattered coffee cups all over the yard, black coffee two sugars. I'd gather the white cups in a basket at dusk. A dozen of them. "Hon? What did you do with the coffee cups?". He really had no idea. He smoked. And for a while he drank Canadian whiskey. Circle by the kitchen to drop off a coffee cup and a basket of berries or a bunch of radishes, nip a nip and back to work until he was burnt and tired.
I did ballet Tue and thur with karate monday and wednesday. I'd overdo on tuesday, show up for the women's karate class, go nice and easy, cool down, see the men come in, then I was warming up and doing the coed but mostly male.fast class. I loved those men like you love a dog. Sheer joy in play. Our feelings for dogs are so uncomplicated.
I overtrained until Lord Hanuman came to me in a dream. I didn't know who he was. Just a monkey man in my family room. And I knew I loved him.
Don't burn out your adrenals, please. Read a bit. Vitamin c. Protein. Run hard but seriously get serious about deep relaxation. Balance doesn't mean slow down. It means alnernate go fast with enough deep relaxation.
Are you using caffeine as a bronchodilator? I used to. Doc never heard of that. Look it up and you tell me. You mention it a lot. Like you are guiltily dependent. It's beck to quit but just not abusing it is a big help.
We can still go hard and fast all we want. We just need to remember to relax slow and deep jj the right proportion. I hate the muddled fatigue lazy state I get when I'm not working and not really relaxed. I'm close now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotownJohnny
Motion.
Yesterday, my new T said trauma is "a disorder of time." Which it is. He meant that the threat response switch is stuck in the on position after the threat is removed, so it always seems that we are living in a time of threat.
I've got soldiers on my payroll
Standing guard on my front drive
Snipers on the roof poised at those
Who don't want me alive
Cause they audited my taxes
My family under threat
Cause I've got a message and a megaphone
And I'll scream it to the death
Gasoline, Sheryl Crow
Motion. It is also a disorder of motion, at least in my mind. Because it results in a state of perpetual motion. In trying to explain that I couldn't stop moving, it was interpreted as evidence of mania. But mania is based in positive emotion, the high, the "feeling great" of hypomania transitions to the brain running so fast it overloads and the product comes out jumbled, disjointed. My motion was never based on anything but fear. I moved because I was terrified not to. I moved because a moving target is harder to catch. I still move out of fear.
Teacake, I utterly understand what you meant when you said you have no middle speed. Neither do I. I have go and stop. Stop only happens now when I hit the wall. Last night was such a night. No bike rides at 3am, no in bed at 12 and up at 2:30 with 2 1/2 hours watching Netflix in between. Just collapse into sleep. All night. I felt more rested this morning than in a long time. It isn't a new pattern or choice, I just hit the wall. In cycling, we say "I bonked" - out of energy, a hypoglycemic crisis on the muscular level. I ran out of energy. I bonked, and no amount of caffeine could stop it. So I slept. Finally.
Back to motion today. Work all day like a dog, work out tonight like a demon. I have no choice, I am running for my life, away from some very determined, very frightening enemies, those who don't want me alive, or want me shamed, broken, degraded, and crazy in a psych ward. Too bad they are only in my mind, a perceived threat that never should have been.
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