Quote:
Originally Posted by 8888an8888
We are talking about CSA in therapy. Every time i have to recount details i am sickened. The words make me feel ill and i hate myself, i hate my therapist for being so open about saying private part words and i hate her, i hate it.
I am still that little girl who is dying of embarrassment and shame. I am so guilty and sickened, i am truly repulsed with myself. I wish i could just cut myself right in front of her to show her how much i despise myself, how awful and fu-ed up i am.
I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to hurt myself in front of her. I want to ruin everything and hurt myself. What would happen if i did cut myself in a session????
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"I wish I could just cut myself right in front of her to show her how much I despise myself, how awful and fu-ed up I am....I want to hurt myself in front of her."
Cutting, the silent scream?
"What would happen if I did cut myself in session?"
Please don't hurt yourself. I don't think anything good would come of it, especially in session. Would it help to read this post to her? Would it help to draw a picture? The picture wouldn't have to be meant to be anything more than expressing feelings. I once drew a picture just using a red marker. Your picture could be squiggles or circles or whatever you felt like drawing to help get the feelings out....and show them to her.